I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
