hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
