i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Randomize
