My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
