OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
