i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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