Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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