I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
