i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
