laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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