i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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