i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
