We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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