Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
