I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
