dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
