I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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