youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
