so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
