He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
