Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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