a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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