You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
