there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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