Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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