Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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