I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
