is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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