Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
