Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
