i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize