ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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