Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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