seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
