Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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