when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
