I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
