I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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