I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I had to cum in my sink.
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