woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
