i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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