you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
