I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
