Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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