Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
