I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
