i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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