you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Randomize
