my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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