i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
