I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Let's get the cat blown out
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
