why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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