She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
