new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
