remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
