im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
