Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
