yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
