I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
