We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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