He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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