i think my tv is drunk
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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