A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize