are you still at the devil's house?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
