The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
