i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
